Taylor Swift is Teaching a Masterclass in Bragging
When Taylor Swift flexes her bicep on stage and bellows her accomplishments without a hint of self-deprecation, something fascinating happens: people squirm. But here's the plot twist – 85% of us are actually ready to cheer for others' successes! This piece dives into why Swift's unapologetic victory lap matters, unpacking how our collective 'ick' about self-promotion is costing us opportunities, visibility, and authentic leadership. From stadium-sized celebrations to ultra-running records, discover why letting go of false modesty isn't just refreshing – it's revolutionary. Ready to own your success story? Let's talk about why that "safer path" of humility might be the riskiest choice of all.
Taylor Swift is making people uncomfortable, and I love it.
She’s bragging openly, loudly, and widely. Beyond the pictures of her flexing her bicep on stage in victory, she’s telling her audience about her successes without self-deprecation, humility or insecurity.
In an article for CNN, Emily Halnon, who watched Swift at the Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas, writes, “I’d just heard Swift, a woman, bellow out her accomplishment, with no qualifiers, no, “I did a thing” and not a single ounce of humility to soften the punch. It was just an unapologetic and audacious declaration of her success.”
But as Halnon tells it, the bragging made some of her fans squirm, and that discomfort wasn’t because of Swift. Halnon, an ultra-running racer, wrote,
“My inner cringe was fueled by my own insecurities with female ambition and the social conditioning that has taught me to shy away from owning my successes. I was projecting my own unease on Swift.”
It’s that social conditioning that I delve into in my forthcoming book, Bragging Rights: How to Talk about Your Work Using Purposeful Self-Promotion (launching May 11). In my worldwide research for the book, people told me they didn’t want to appear cocky or that talking about themselves felt ‘icky.’ Halnon perfectly summarizes the feelings reported by many research respondents. She said,
“I don’t want to brag, or seem cocky, competitive, or, heaven forbid, self-promotional. That phrase alone feels dirtier than the floor of a football stadium after a three-hour show. I’ve watched women get villainized for ambition and success since I could say the words, “Hillary Clinton.” I know the safer path for a woman is to be humble and modest.”
It’s as if we’re to stumble into success, instead of owning it. Owning it means you gain the opportunities you desire - and deserve. A tangle of tripwires holds us back from talking about our successes, including the reinforcement of outdated social norms. While I appreciate much of the work of academic and author Adam Grant, this statement and its continual perpetuation frustrates me: “Bragging about yourself violates norms of modesty and politeness—and if you were really competent, your work would speak for itself.” When I talk about this in my workshops and keynotes, this is where I hold a beat for all of the eye-rolling.
How often have you been told (or have told others) this advice, “put your head down, do good work, and eventually someone will notice you.” Or, “the cream rises to the top,” yet we’re left with mediocre leaders. That bragging should be taboo for so many of us– that modesty is costing all of us. It’s costing us in burnout while we wait to be seen and heard. Who here is working harder and harder yet is still feeling that corrosiveness of invisibility?
Even in the article, Halnon admits that she omitted that she set a race record and had the fastest known time (beating men’s times as well). She was almost apologizing for being outed by her editor as a winner, successful, and someone to be admired. If we can see it, we can be it.
But Swift knows something powerful already; your audiences actually do want to cheer for your successes. My research found that 85% of us are ready to cheer you on;” only 13 percent of respondents said they’d “ignore you,” and 2 percent said they’d “turn around and brag about themselves.” So, the vast majority of us are really cheering for you.
Watch and share in each other’s successes. When you hear bragging or self-promotion, don’t cringe. Instead, celebrate and share. It’s not a ‘me, me, me,’ move when you brag right. It’s about how we’re here to serve, access new opportunities, and along the way, elevate others.
Thanks, Beth Collier, for sending me the article. I appreciate you.
To read Emily Halnon’s article https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/23/world/taylor-swift-ambition-essay-wellness/index.html
Buy my book for yourself and those you lead, mentor or coach.